


midnight conversations

by allforconniebonacieux



Series: What-If (Happiest Season) [1]
Category: Happiest Season (2020)
Genre: Alternate Canon, F/F, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28241397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allforconniebonacieux/pseuds/allforconniebonacieux
Summary: Abby is feeling left out and forgotten as Harper throws herself back into the role her parents raised her to play. What if, after drinks with her high school friends and Connor, Harper actually talked to Abby, instead of ignoring her and picking a fight?A what-if take on if there was just a smidgeon of communication from Harper's end during the visit, if her panic about hiding herself was overridden by her wanting to cuddle to her girlfriend after her night out, instead of going straight to bed and barely checking in with Abby?
Relationships: Harper Caldwell/Abby Holland
Series: What-If (Happiest Season) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2096742
Comments: 16
Kudos: 128





	midnight conversations

**Author's Note:**

> So. I am a Harper fan. BUT. She didn't make great choices, and we didn't get to see her perspective enough to really understand. I get where Harper is coming from, I think she isn't a bad person overall, but I agree with a lot of the criticisms of the movie that it isn't easy to look past a lot of her behaviour.
> 
> Here's one of my little alternate takes on the movie that hopefully makes Harper a little more sympathetic, with a bit more communication and awareness of how Abby is feeling, given that, you know, Abby had literally no clue what was going on until about twenty minutes before. Big Yike there Harper.

Abby sighed and put her phone down. This wasn’t turning out to be the happy Christmas she thought it would. She was back in the closet, her girlfriend’s family thought she was some criminal orphan and said girlfriend had spent hours out drinking with her ex-boyfriend, with barely a thought spared to answering Abby’s texts. 

Sighing again, she rolled over to turn out the lamp. Maybe things would be better in the morning. She’d talk to Harper, see if she was okay and then try and get some more answers on why Harper had become a completely different person in the span of just two days. She got that maybe being under her parent’s roof again, trying to fit the role they expected her to take, was probably a lot to do with it, but the way she had almost completely forgotten about Abby this whole time was starting to leave a bad taste in Abby’s mouth. 

Curling up under the blanket, the ghost of warmth behind her, she tried to imagine when Harper would actually come out. She said after all the elbow-rubbing she was doing for her dad’s mayoral campaign, but was that true? The election wasn’t for a couple months. Sure he might score the campaign investors he wanted, but Abby was savvy enough on politics to know that if Harper was scared to come out in case it hurt her dad’s campaign this early on, it would be easy to justify waiting until after the election. And then she wouldn’t be able to come out, in case it hurt his reputation or his re-election chances, or his legacy in the town. Bullshit reasons like that. 

She tossed around a bit, trying to find a comfortable spot, but the weight in her stomach wasn’t shifting. 

It was just a couple of days. She could deal with this.

Probably. 

She tried to push these thoughts away, hoping the next day would be better, where she could spend time with her girlfriend and find a gift for the mysterious White Elephant party, slowly getting closer to sleep, albeit a troubled one. 

She was nearly there when the door was pushed open, filling the room with a yellow rectangle of light. Foggy with the near sleep, she had just started to turn when the light disappeared, the door shutting again. There was the soft sound of something being moved, and then the warm feeling of a much taller body sliding into the bed appeared behind her, spooning into her tightly.

Harper.

Abby wasn’t quite sure what to do or how to feel here, but the fact Harper had come down to see her was an improvement on the near radio silence of earlier in the night.

‘Hey,’ Harper’s breath, warm with alcohol, tickled her ear, and she felt a quick kiss behind her ear. Hands, slightly cold, slid round to her front, tensing her abdomen in reflex. Nearly a year of holding each other like this and Abby still felt a happiness resonate through her body at even a single touch. Being held by Harper was near euphoric. Actually being the one holding Harper actually  _ was _ euphoric, the feeling of holding someone she loved close, feeling their heartbeat, knowing she was safe in her arms. Once they got over the funniness the height difference brought to the situation. 

It was pretty funny the first time they had woken up in that position, having gravitated to it in the night. A later conversation with John had told her it was jetpacking, and then that as much as he loved Abby, he didn’t want to be involved in a discussion about the intricacies of the physical dynamic between them without an unhealthy amount of alcohol in his system. And sure enough, one raid of his wine cabinet later and he had asked a bunch of questions about the details of her relationship, offering up his own personal experiences with similar challenges in exchange. It was weird, but it was how their friendship worked. 

Now, with Harper pressing against her, rubbing her chilled nose into Abby’s neck, she was torn between wanting to be right there next to the woman she loved or instead being in John’s ridiculously expensive apartment, sipping wine and letting out the stress of this week over mindless talk.

‘Hey.’ Abby rolled over, readjusting the blanket when the movement pulled it, letting a blast of cold air. Harper, always wonderfully affectionate when tipsy, used this as an excuse to wriggle a little closer in the space Abby had created, shuffling her body down a little to be eye level, even in the dark room. 

‘Drinks ended late.’

‘I can tell.’ Abby tried to keep the bite out of her tone. Being ghosted all night wasn’t great but she couldn’t blame Harper for wanting to spend time with her friends. It was just really sucky that Abby was being shoved in the closet and called a criminal by Harper’s family so Harper could keep playing the role her family wanted for a few more days. 

Despite her efforts, Harper did hear the tinge of tired annoyance and pulled her head back to get a better look at Abby’s face, what little she could see of it.

‘Are you okay?’ It was the same tone Abby heard when she called in a panic because her laptop had crashed right before submitting a proposal to her PhD supervisor, the voice that had soothed when Abby cried after telling Harper about her parents the first time. It was concern, it was worry, it was love. 

Abby let a breath out through her nose and grabbed Harper’s hand from where it rested on her hip. There had been enough lying the past few days and there would probably be more still. But not between them. Abby couldn’t handle it if that was the next turn for this week. 

‘Not really.’ 

‘What is it?’ Harper shuffled forward again, tipping her forehead onto Abby’s. ‘What can I do?’

‘Nothing. It’s just… this trip isn’t going how I expected. And I know I said I was fine pretending we aren’t together, I know you can’t come out right now, baby. But,’ Abby sighed and felt the prick of tears. ‘I miss you, baby. I hate this. Your family don’t like me, your Mom thinks I’m a thief, and I feel like I’m more alone than I would have been if I’d just stayed at home.’

By the end of her little speech Abby could feel tears were leaking out the corner of her eyes, trickling their way down onto the pillow below her head. Harper was quiet as she processed what Abby had just said, but hearing the sniffles from her girlfriend seemed to prompt something in her, as she wrapped her arms around Abby’s back, kissing her forehead. 

‘I’m sorry, baby. I fucked up.’

Abby felt the arms around her shake. Something warm landed on her face; a tear. Harper was crying.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ Harper kept repeating and Abby wrapped her arms around her as best she could. They held onto each other and Abby felt the stress of the past few days leave in the embrace of her lover and the catharsis of tears.

At some point amongst the crying Harper’s apologies morphed to include ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I fucked up’s’. Abby only whispered ‘I know’, pressing her lips to whatever part of Harper’s face she could reach; peppering her face and neck with soft kisses in lieu of verbal reciprocation. 

As harsh it felt to think, her love hadn’t really been in question. Not to say Harper’s was either, but Abby had stuck out the past few days, was willing to stick out the next few days, for Harper’s sake, lying and hiding herself for people she didn’t even know. Harper loved her, she knew that. But today had begun to feel like that had changed. Abby could understand how Harper fitting into the role she had played in this town, being around people she knew from high school, pretending to be the person she was in high school even, could make her revert back to that mindset. But she had slipped into it so easily, and one unfortunate truth of Harper’s high school days had also come with it; she didn’t know Abby then. Abby didn’t fit with this version of Harper. She didn’t have a place here.

Holding onto each other tightly, Abby hoped that they could actually talk. About how they were feeling, how Harper was handling everything, and what the fuck the plan was for the next few days.

Eventually, their tears stopped, and Harper pulled away a little, keeping her arms tight around Abby. 

‘How can I fix this, baby.’ In the pale light coming through the curtain, Abby could just make out the watery sheen of tears in her girlfriends eyes, amplifying the sad determination in them. ‘What do I need to do?’

‘I don’t know.’ Abby whispered. 

Harper sobbed, and Abby moved her hand to rest on the back of her head, silently inviting her to come closer again. Harper did. Abby let her head rest on her sternum, pressing a kiss to Harper’s temple. Tears welled again in Abby’s eyes. How the fuck had things got this bad in three days?

Abby stared at the ceiling as they lay there, Harper clinging to her as she cried again. She blinked away her tears. They dripped out the corner of the eyes, and she wiped them away with the heel of her hand. As her arm dropped back to the bed, Harper grabbed it blindly, kissing her palm, before letting go and crawling back from Abby, sitting up, angling herself towards Abby. The movement pulled the sheets and Abby shivered at the blast of cool air. Maybe wearing tank tops to bed, in a basement, in the winter, wasn’t her smartest idea, no matter how comfortable she felt. Or how good she knew it looked.

‘I’ll do it.’ 

‘What?’ She looked up at Harper, squinting to see her now she was angled down. She pushed herself up as well, leaning against the headboard. She pulled the comforter with her, huddling under it. It tugged further away from Harper, but the taller woman paid it no mind.

‘I’m going to come out to my parents. Before Christmas. Now.’ Harper was determined, resolved, her spine rigid and straight. It was all very certain for someone who had happily been doing shots earlier in the night. 

‘Harper, it’s the middle of the night.’ Abby pointed out, and she felt more than she saw as Harper deflated, shoulders sinking a little. 

‘In the morning then. First thing.’ Harper’s hair brushed Abby’s shoulder as she nodded. ‘I should have done it the second we got here.’

‘Baby, if you aren’t ready-’

‘No. It’s not fair on you.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s not fair on us. If I’d said it straight away, we wouldn’t be sat in Jane’s old bedroom, we’d be in my room and I wouldn’t have spent the whole night listening to my friends tell me to get back together with Connor!’

‘What?’ Abby felt a small surge of anger, irrational though it was. That definitely didn’t sit right. She felt a hand slide into hers, squeezing gently. The tension left her body at the sensation. She squeezed back. Harper moved to lean against the headboard beside her. Their shoulders brushed. Harper was wearing her ridiculously silky pajamas again, Abby realised, the same ones they had thrown to the floor after Abby’s failed excursion to Harper’s bedroom. Her heart warmed slightly. Her girlfriend had very good taste in clothes, but god was it a contrast to Abby’s own. She was confident in her own style, her own body. It was a privilege every morning Abby woke up and saw Harper getting ready for work, getting to lie in their bed and just watch as she changed her veritable suit of nightwear for her professional gear; the silk blouses that peeked at her collarbones, the trousers that highlighted just how long her legs were, that brief moment in between when she was just in her underwear- that part was Abby’s favourite. She frowned. She’d missed those quiet moments, these past few days.

‘If I introduced you as my girlfriend, I could have shut that shit down immediately.’ It was then Abby remembered that her girlfriend had been drinking all evening. The slight slur to her words, and the profanity were a bit of a hint. Harper tended to avoid swearing when she was sober, behaviour that Abby was getting a feeling was absolutely a by-product of her upbringing in this house. A notable exception was of course, when she was in bed. She couldn’t help a little smirk, remembering Harper’s tendency to be...vocal. And appreciative of Abby’s efforts. Didn’t shy away from feedback in the moment, if it was needed, which wasn’t often. It was a very good ego boost. 

‘It’s done now. But only do this if you’re ready to, baby.’

‘Abby, you aren’t happy here. That’s my fault.’ Harper was clearly taking care with her words, to avoid tripping up on them. ‘I should have said something before. Way before. Years ago, this shouldn’t even be a thing now.’ She waved her free hand about, disturbing the air. Abby shivered. The movement shook them both. 

‘Let’s just go to bed, okay. We can talk about this in the morning yeah? I’ll come up to talk to you, if you’re mom asks I’ll say I wanted to borrow-’

Abby cut herself off as Harper merely slid down under the covers again. The movement wasn’t as elegant at it’s end as the start, Harper having to plant her feet and shuffle her hips down, but her point was made.

‘Baby, wha-?’

‘Who gives a fuck what my mom thinks.' Harper held her ground. 'I’m serious, I love you, I’m telling them all tomorrow, and... I’m tired. I love you.’

Harper flopped her head down the pillow to punctuate this, a dull thump as she did.

She was very self-assured when she was drunk, that was for sure. Or maybe more like an overgrown, overtired toddler.

Abby gawked a little. Then, she chuckled, copying Harper’s movement with a little more grace, thanks to her shorter frame. She lay facing Harper, who rolled over to face her, limbs noticeably loose, now that Abby knew what to look for.

‘Hey,’ Harper whispered. The warm tinge of alcohol on her breath. She wriggled closer to Abby, throwing an arm over her waist. It was a reminder of where they had been just a few minutes before. Hopefully this time they were done with crying.

‘Hi.’ 

Again close to her face, Abby could see a shy smile on Harper’s face in the dim light. 

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ Abby brushed a kiss over the tip of Harper’s nose. ‘And you’re drunk.’

‘Not really.’ Harper tried to argue, a weak effort, it was clear. Abby nudged her shoulder, pushing on it lightly until Harper rolled onto her back.

‘All the way, come on drunky, that’s it.’

Harper groaned but complied, rolling onto her right side, facing the door, with her head close to the bed. 

‘Do you want a bucket?’ 

A shake of Harper’s head was the only response, and Abby chuckled a little. 

‘Okay, but let me know if you need it. I don’t think your mom will be happy if you repeat Halloween here.’ Abby scooted closer, spooning behind her. Jetpacking, she remembered. She put her hand on Harper’s stomach, and snuggled closer. Harper tugged the cover over her own shoulder with her right hand, before placing it over Abby’s, holding it there. Abby smiled into her shoulder.

This was right where she was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone that was curious on my inspo for this;  
> I wanted to see more of their domestic life like we see at the start, because that all shows Harper being quite tactile and open with her affection, and I figured a missed opportunity was Harper coming back from drinks with her friends; she isn't shown as drunk by the time she's talking to Connor outside, but when Abby is there, we know she's had a few. I figured if she's a bit tipsy, that worry she has at being found out by her family might be eclipsed by just the general good vibes of some drinks, of being in love and her partner being right there, oh my god, she can go see her and cuddle, just like at home, what a great plan! 
> 
> And then, you know, actual talking happens. 
> 
> But I figured if she was comfortable enough to be texting Abby like _that_ the day before, then drunk thoughts might relax her to ignore the part of her that said 'we shouldn't have done that.'
> 
> I hope this all came through, pretty nervous with this, and I feel like explaining it all here ruins the effect, but this has been swimming in my head awhile, and I thought people might be interested in it, what with Harper's controversial character. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed or at least didn't actively hate this, have a great day and happy holigays folks.


End file.
